Timeline update

I haven't done a timeline update post in awhile, mostly to help myself remember and to put all this info into Vivis lifebook for her and also for other adoptive parents so they have an idea of how it could go.

June 13 2012 - info session at the adoption agency
October 19 2012 - get on wait list for the Waiting Children Program for China
November 13 2012 - initial consultation with our adoption practitioner
November 17-18 & 24-25 2012 - PRIDE training course
November 19/20 - adoption medicals
November 30 2012 - police checks and RCMP fingerprinting
December 13 2012 - meeting at adoption agency to get more detailed information
December 17 - make the decision to go forward with the Waiting Childrens China Program
January 24 2013 - first home study interview
January 31 2013 - second home study interview
February 13 2013 - third home study interview & home safety checklist
April 5 2013 - sign final copy of home study and send to the MCYS in Toronto
July 23 2013 - dropped off 99% completed dossier to our agency
July 30 2013 - received approval letter, dossier is now complete
August 19 2013 - dossier to China
September 17 2013 - received Vivi's referral
September 20 2013 - met with social worker to get her approval of our match
September 25 2013 - handed in our signed acceptance of Vivi's referral
October 8 2013 - MCYS approved our match
October 8 2013 - Letter of Intent sent to China
November 9 2013 - Match was logged in CCCWA and Pre Approval letter was posted to the online system

Today is 50 days since receiving that letter. The average couple waits 3-4 months after the Pre Approval to get their Letter Seeking Confirmation often referred to as LOA (letter of acceptance). Travel is 8-10 weeks after LOA is received. The most likely scenario would be to travel to China in early May. We do hope to travel in April though! Pray!

聖 誕 快 樂 Merry Christmas Vivi

聖 誕 快 樂 Merry Christmas Vivi  

It is Christmas Eve here in Canada and I know you are probably awake by now, or almost awake on y our last Christmas morning without your forever family. I so wish I could have gotten to you sooner, but I have to trust that this is how it has to be. I often wonder if the people taking care of you celebrate Christmas in any way. I know there is a growing population of Christians but we will probably never know if they are. I pray that if they aren’t right now that they do come to accept Jesus one day.

My dear girl, I have so many Christmas wishes for you. I wish that today is a special day for you. I wish that next year you will truly experience the magic that Christmastime with family is. I pray that someone is hugging and kissing you today and that you get to eat lots of yummy food, prepared by your foster family or the orphanage nannies. I pray and wish and hope with everything in my being that the package we sent to you, you have received. I pray that you have seen mommy and daddy’s pictures by now and pictures of all the close family members who love you so so much. I hope you love looking and listening to us reading you that book we sent with our voices reading all the words. I wish that this Christmas you can start to understand that we are coming for you! I hope you like the dolly we sent and that it smells a little like us. Hug that doll tight girly because mommy and daddy are hugging you back in spirit!I miss you more than words can say.

You just turned 22 months a few days ago. Another month we spent apart. But also another month closer to gotcha day! There is no telling when our letter may come, but I’m hopeful that it will come in January and then we can come at get you in March or April! One less orphan in the world is my Christmas with this year! Even though its VERY snowy outside, all I can dream about is playing on the beach with you next summer! Hugs and love this Christmas season Vivi. May you feel God’s love all around you.

♥ Mommy

Cocooning & Attachment

Adoption is wonderful! Adoption is beautiful. Adoption is something God thought up. Adoption is different...

I want to blog a little about that last part. About how adotion is different. Especially at the beginning, and especially for family and friends - because to a certain degree we as adoptive parents need to be pro-active at attaching and initiating attachement with our new daughter.

A well know author Dr. Karyn Puris has published a lot of great material about attachement, especially relating to adoption and foster care. She put together this quick booklet for Focus on the Family which describes attachment way better than I could ever. See link here: Attachement in Adoption.

That pamplet describes attachement as:

attachment can be defined as an inborn system in the brain that influences and organizes motivational, emotional and memory processes with respect to significant care-giving figures. It’s the ability to connect with other human beings. The functionality of this system is dependent upon a child’s “affective attunement” to the parent and the establishment of a secure emotional base. Without this base, the development of normal behavior patterns is short-circuited, and a child’s ability to relate to others in normal, healthy ways is hindered.

It also describes that there are 4 stages of infant attachment. This is an excerpt:

The most critical age for attachment is reached at about 7 months, and the period from 6 to 12 months represents a delicate window within which a child’s ability to form healthy connections can be curtailed if conditions for its growth are less than ideal. (Note: A child who is moved into a new situation can form positive attachments if the change takes place by seven to eight months of age. If the shift happens later, the parent will need to be more attentive to attachment issues in order to avoid later attachment problems.)

Our little Vivi will have been through so much in her short life by the time that we become a family that she may need some time to heal from the trauma of her past. We can help her to heal by praying for her and by meeting all her needs the very best way that we can. And one way we can do this is by cocooning. This is not typically done by families I know who had children biologically. Especilly not with a 2 year old. This will seem different and odd to many of you reading.

When we first meet she will be around age 2. Cocooning can help hurry up the attachement process for her to become attached to us as mommy and daddy. Every single thing in her world will change. New people. New home. New smells. New language. New doctors. New culture. New sleep schedule. Jet lag. Culture change. Even for an adult that is a lot to take in. For a baby its overwhelming. By cocooning we will be having lots of mommy and daddy time so that she will learn to trust us and to know that we are here to stay. Cocooning also means hubby and I will be her sole care providers. We will be her comforters, we will feed her and bath her. We will be there for her for her every need. We will be baby-wearing her as often as we can so that she has a lot of physical touch and will be close to our heartbeats and smells and voice. Its similar to the way you care for a newborn because we are starting from the beggining. 

We don't know how long we will keep up the cocooning. But we do know that we will keep up the intentional attachment actions because even if Vivi attaches to us very quickly (which is what we are praying for) a true attachment often takes as long together as you have been apart so for us 2 years. But what we do know is that we want her to learn how to be a girl who can trust, who is able to be loved and to love back. And all the effort we will be putting in during this period of cocooning will be worth it.

What we ask of you, our family and friends:

-pray pray pray pray. Pray for our little one's heart to be prepared to meet us. Pray for us as our new family learns, well, how to be a family!
-Please don't try to pick her up until we give you the go-ahead.
-Please let us be the ones to feed her. This helps her learn that mommy and daddy are the ones who take care of her. Its easy for a child from an orphanage to get confused, so by ensuring that we are her caretakers this takes away any chance of confusion.
-Please don't take it personally if we don't visit much in the begining, or if we only stay short amounts of time at gatherings. Our home is the best place for her while she learns what a home is.

I know this will be hard for a lot of you. It may seem like we are 'hogging' her or keeping her from you to be mean. But we do this 100% for her well being.  And we will play things by ear. We are very hopeful that this will be a few months because we are confident that God is already preparing her to meet us. But we wanted to give everyone the heads up now, so that it does not come as a shock when we come home because we know how excited everyone is for us. We will communicate when the time comes that we will be less strict with these actitivies. We feel so incredibly blessed that everyone is so excited, we truly do love hearing about how you all wish we could travel tomorrow because you all want to meet her. It warms my heart!

Gratitude

November is such a special month. Firstly it is my birthday month! Secondly it is National Adoption/Orphan month which I love supporting! And thirdly its my sisters birthday as well which I love celebrating and remembering taking her home when she was just turning 1 years old. And last but not least, I recently learned that November is Gratitude month! Many of my facebook friends have been spending time daily declaring things in their life they are grateful for. I will be doing that in this post as one giant gratitude month post! 30 things I am grateful for the 30 days in November. Although it might be hard to stop at 30 since I am super extra thankful these days : )

(not in any particular order)
30 Days of Gratitude

1. I am thankful that I now have a sweet face of a darling 1 year old to call my daughter. I am thankful that she is happy and loved and healthy. I am thankful that soon she will know we are to be her mama and baba (baba is what Chinese children call their dada!).
2. I am thankful for my wonderful husband. He is so loving and has such a big heart. He is always willing to help anyone who asks and even those who don’t ask. He is incredibly generous with his time and talents. It melts my heart into a puddle on the floor when he tells me how much he loves Vivi and how beautiful he thinks she is. He always see’s the good. He never worries. He loves God and has a faith that I believe will move mountains one day. I am so blessed to have him.
3. I am thankful for my mom. She truly is my rock, and my best supporter. Without her this adoption would not have been possible right now. She taught me to love, to work hard, not to ever quit, to trust God, to stand up for myself, to be a ‘squeaky wheel’ when it’s important that something gets done, how to be an awesome mother, how to have fun and adventure, how to shop, how to cook, how to work through problems, how to travel safely. I could go on and on and on. Thank you mom for being you!
4. I am thankful for my aunt(s). One in particular is really truly my second mother. We are kindred spirits and she has held me up so many times while I am feeling down that I can’t even count them. She is how I have gotten through many hard days when sobbing on her shoulder was the only thing I could manage in those moments. Aunts are a gift from God.  
5. I am thankful for our nice new home. It has been just over a year since we moved in and I just love it! Hubby let me decorate it however I liked (another reason why I love him so dearly!) and it just feels like home! Vivi’s room is almost all set up and it is just perfect. I can’t wait to raise her in this home I can picture it now. Lots of room on the deck for playtime next summer. A quite nook in the loft for story time. A cozy room in the basement for watching movies. A nice big island for baking cookies together. Nice big windows for lots of natural light for taking precious photos of her. It is going to be wonderful I just know it.
6. I am thankful for the internet. Anyone who knows me will understand why this made the list. I love to be well informed. And it’s easy to research any subject you could possibly imagine with the internet. Also I have formed many friendships over internet forums, facebook groups, infertility support groups. I have virtually met so many adoptive parents through internet groups. I was able to get new photos of our daughter strictly using the internet. I have online chatted with parents of other kids who lived at Vivi’s orphanage. Connecting in this way not only makes the waiting feel shorter. But I know it will be an invaluable resource when we come. And keeping in touch will be great for when she grows up and wants to connect with other adopt-ees. I can’t leave out online shopping!!
7. I am thankful to be a Canadian. I am thankful for the freedom that living here in this wonderful country gives me. I am thankful that living here allows me the opportunity to be a Christian and to go to church, to read my Bible, and become part of a church community.
8. I am thankful for health care. I am thankful that when I am sick I am able to see a doctor quickly and able to get the required medication. I am thankful that when Vivi comes home she can see a whole TEAM of qualified doctors who form an entire group of doctors who specialize in international adoption issues and surgeries and treatments. I am thankful that they were able to talk to me about the surgeries Vivi will face after coming home, and the support that we will get should she need speech therapy.
9. I am thankful for friendship. New friends and old friends I am thankful to them all. From meeting for coffee, to skating on the canal, to texting at midnight, to sharing photos and stories and experiences, and hope and fears. My girlfriends have been there for me and I love them and am so grateful to have great friends in my life.
10. I am thankful for my job. Without my employment I would not be where I am financially. I have a great boss and work with a great team of co-workers. I have flexibility and support.
11. I am thankful for my in-laws. They are the kindest, sweetest couple. I am so glad have them as my second set of parents. I am so glad that they brought hubby up to be the man that he is today. I am thankful that they are just excited as we are to bring Vivi home! She is lucky to be able to call them her grandparents!
12. I am thankful for the gifts and talents that God has given me. I am glad to be able to have photography skills, organization skills, bookkeeping and accounting skills. I am thankful that he made me a detail oriented person! Our agency said I had the best organized dossier they had ever seen! I can’t wait to photograph my daughter and her birth country, the place she spent the first two years of her life.
13. I am thankful to the women who gave life to a little girl on the other side of the world who I will soon have the privilege to call my daughter. I recently saw this quote somewhere on the internet and it sums up how I feel. "A child born to another woman calls me Mom. The depth of the tragedy and magnitude of the privilege are not lost on me" -Jody Landers
14. I am thankful for sisters! I have 4 of them and treasure each and every one of them. None of them share my DNA but I love each of them for their own uniqueness’s and I am blessed to be able to call them Vivi’s aunties to be! They are all thoughtful and kind, and they all have their own passions in life which I love to hear about. Sisters are the best!
15. I am thankful for prayer. Prayer changes things, this I am sure about. Prayer has brought us to this point. Prayer can heal our hearts. Prayer is why I feel close to God, and how my relationship with Him has grown over the years. Prayer is what gives me hope on a daily basis.
16. I am thankful to every individual who has cared for Vivi during this time when we cannot be with her. The nannies who fed her, played with her, hugged her, cleaned her. It’s not easy feeding a baby with a cleft lip and cleft palate and they made sure that she got enough food. The doctors who made sure she was healthy and received all the required immunizations. The surgeon who repaired her cleft lip so wonderfully. The nurses who kept the healing of her lip clean and it has healed wonderfully. The orphanage director who prepared her file to be available for adoption. The foster family who is now taking care of her. I can’t type this without shedding a few tears, because I am so thankful to them for caring for her in a way that ensures she knows what love is because beyond everything else already mentioned love is incredibly powerful to ensure a child grows up and develops properly. It will not be easy for them to let her go, and I am eternally grateful to them for doing such a great job.
17. I am thankful for our adoption agency. They are the ones who helped us to do all our paperwork on time. They matched us to Vivi. They will help us plan our travel. They have connected us with other families here in Ottawa who are adopting. I value their work so highly.
18. I am thankful to God. For all that he has done. For the sacrifice of Jesus for my sins. For the Holy Spirit to help me to hear God’s plan for my life. I am thankful that He has adopted me into His family. I am thankful that He chose me to become and adoptive parent to experience the joy of parenting one of his children.
19. I am thankful for my puppy dog. She truly is a bright light in my life. My first ‘child’. So soft and cuddly. Like a live stuffed animal, P-dog always always makes me smile. She was born on our wedding day and came to live with us 8 weeks later and has been with us through it all. She makes every day life feel special with her cute little wagging tail and the sparkle in her eye. Her ‘diva’ puff hairdo always makes me laugh as it blows in the wind. Getting through bad days is less hard when she is around as she gives the best hugs and kisses!
20. I am thankful for Half the Sky Foundation that runs several different programs within many orphanages in China, one of which is Vivi’s orphanage. They not only train the nannies and caretakers on how to reverse the effects of institutionalism but they deeply care for the kids and hold preschool classes to help little ones develop properly. I am thankful I was able to donate to them as a Canadian registered charity to help out all the orphans living in Vivi’s orphanage.
21. I am thankful for the opportunity I have had in life to travel. I have seen and experienced a variety of cultures around the world. I am so glad that I have already been to China once and that I have the opportunity to go back. I love going to the Caribbean to relax. And to Virginia Beach to have family vacations. And to provincial parks to have campfires. I’ve seen the Great Wall. I’ve seen a volcano in St. Lucia. I’ve seen amazing waterfalls in Ontario. I’ve seen so much beautiful nature. I am blessed!
22. With Christmas coming up I am thankful for food. For yummy turkey and stuffing. For homemade applesauce. Especially the pink kind. I’m thankful for time spent with family making special treasured cookies. I can’t wait to have big family dinners all throughout the holidays, celebrating the birth of Jesus and thanking Him for all we have.
23. I am thankful for for iPhones. I hate being without mine. It keeps me connected at all times. I never miss an important phone call, or a silly photo text. It helps me to gain access to information that will help me be a better mother, wife, Christian and friend. And when in China we will be able to use it to Facetime with family and friends back home! I know that because of my phone and the internet my homesickness will be less bad than last time.
24. I am thankful that this Christmas will be my last Christmas as a not-quite-yet-mother. And that next Christmas I will be able to see the joy of Christmas through the eyes of a cutie toddler.
25. I am thankful that adoptive parents are allowed to take 9 months of parental leave to spend with their newly adopted child to promote attachment and bonding. I can’t wait to spend those 9 months getting to know her and showing her our world. Going to the beach. Teaching her how to swim. Going down the river on our boat. Spending time with the other adoptive moms that I have met who will also be on leave.
26. I am thankful that I will have the privilege of seeing hubby become a father. I know he will excel at it and already the way he speaks about her makes me love him even more than I did before.
27. I am thankful that today hubby and I celebrate 10 years together. 10 years ago today we decided to become a couple, and we celebrated by going out to dinner on a big date. We have been married for 6 of those 10 years and I am thankful that God put us together!
28. I am thankful that my mom bought a wonderful cottage on the beach that we all spend time together at as a family. So many fun memories have already been made and I am sure there is more to come.
29. I am thankful for music. Have you ever noticed how music can change your mood instantly. It works for me every time. I love signing and wish I was blessed with a better voice but I sign regardless! I especially love Christmas music and its pretty much non stop Christmas from here on out!
30. I am thankful to be me. God didn't make me perfect, but I have a pretty amazing life, and I am thankful that He has given me a special purpose in life even if I'm not 100% sure what that is yet! 

Introducing our new daughter!!

Enter password to see the exciting news!

The first 3 letter acronym

There are many milestones to hit during international adoption. And also many acronyms to learn if you are like me and like to hang out in adoption groups online! Its a whole other world out there. DTC, LID, OOT, LOA, etc. All of these acronyms stand for big moments when you have hit another goal, and are onto the next stage in the process.

We have received our first three letter acronym!

D  T  C !!!!!!!




Which means Dossier To China !  Our paperwork is making its way to China along with big dreams and hopes and wishes and prayers and large piece of my heart.

Our paperwork was uploaded to China's online database on Friday the 16th and the rest of the paperwork was sent yesterday afternoon by a courier. The China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption will receive our paperwork and let our agency know that they have indeed received it and once they have .... drumroll please ... we are officially waiting parents!

So likely by the end of THIS WEEK we will be waiting for 'the call'.  The call from our agency to let us know they have matched with a sweet little baby girl. The call I have waited a very long time for. I want to ask you all to pray that the matching process goes quickly as I don't want to have to wait a long time to know her face for real. As I have said before our agency is expecting to receive a batch of children's files sometime in August or September and I pray that Vivi is in that bunch. We are almost at the top of the waiting family list but because we have requested a fairly young girl it could mean we will wait for the next batch or the one after that. There is no way of knowing since our agency won't know what ages or genders of children they will be given to match with their families until they receive the files.

So in summary we have made it! We are doing this!! And pretty soon I get to shop my little heart out for a beautiful girl who I get to call my daughter by the grace of God. ♥ ♥ ♥

A - is for APPROVED!

We got word from our agency that our approval letter from the Ontario Ministry of Children and Youth has been received (well the electronic copy anyways)! Our home study was sent to them on April 5th so it took over 16 weeks for them to send the letter... grumble grumble and apparently according to them, that is the new standard timeline. So any new potential adoptive parents will have to go through the same long wait as we did. I can't say I was too pleased about waiting, but am lucky to have so many supportive family and friends who listened to me vent many a days.

I celebrated with a mid morning 10 pack of Tim Hortons Timbits YUM!

And tonight we get to try out my aunts brand new to her pool! Today is a GOOD DAY! Praise Jesus we have made it this far!!!!

Now our completed dossier is being notarized by the lawyer down the hall from our agency and when that is completed sometime next week our dossier will be sent to the Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade Canada to be authenticated and after that to the Chinese consulate. This whole process takes 3-4 weeks and we are praying that is IT. Next step is sending everything in a courier to China and waiting for a referral of a sweet little girl who is to join our open arms. ♥♥♥
This is our dossier which I dropped off last week in hopes of receiving the approval letter soon after.

After the above dossier is shipped to China we wait for our match which could be a short or long wait, we are depending on God to find us the perfect match!

Timeline so far:

June 13 2012 - info session at the adoption agency
October 19 2012 - get on wait list for the Waiting Children Program for China
November 13 2012 - initial consultation with our adoption practitioner
November 17-18 & 24-25 2012 - PRIDE training course
November 19/20 - adoption medicals
November 30 2012 - police checks and RCMP fingerprinting
December 13 2012 - meeting at adoption agency to get more detailed information
December 17 - make the decision to go forward with the Waiting Childrens Program
January 24 2013 - first home study interview
January 31 2013 - second home study interview
February 13 2013 - third home study interview & home safety checklist
April 5 2013 - sign final copy of home study and send to the MCYS in Toronto
July 23 2013 - dropped off 99% completed dossier to our agency
July 30 2013 - received approval letter, dossier is now complete

Anticipation

This week I am finally anticipating our home study approval letter to be finalized at the ministry. If not this Friday the next one for sure. This Friday is week 14. Back in the fall this part of the process only took 4-6 weeks for potential adoptive parents. Budget cuts and a new director is the cause of the delay as far as I can tell from chatting with our adoption practitioner.

Regardless the word anticipation really stuck out in my head this morning. I felt God leading me to see what He had to say about the word. The google dictionary says this:

an·tic·i·pate /anˈtisəˌpāt/Verb
1.Regard as probable; expect or predict.
2.Guess or be aware of (what will happen) and take action in order to be prepared.

Synonyms
expect - foresee - forestall - await

Which rings true. I am expecting our file to be approved soon and I am predicting it to be received by our agency this Friday or next.

I used a Bible Gateway keyword search in a few different versions to see if anything would give me peace in the waiting today. I came across a few verses. A verse in Isaiah 65 really stuck out in The Message version and made me smile. It is God speaking to His people about New Heavens and a New Earth.

All the earlier troubles, chaos, and pain
are things of the past, to be forgotten.
Look ahead with joy.
Anticipate what I’m creating:
Isaiah 65 verses 17-18

It reminded me that even though we have been trying to create a family for 940 days (yes I keep count) that HE is the one creating our family. He knows what is best and I am trying my best to look forward with joy. I am planning in anticipation of vivi's arrival. And today I am trying to forgot the earlier pain of those 940 days. Maybe day 941 will be better.


The other verse that stuck out in my search was 2 Chronicles 15:14-15 also in The Message version.

They shouted out their promise to God, a joyful sound accompanied with blasts from trumpets and rams’ horns. The whole country felt good about the covenant promise—they had given their promise joyfully from the heart. Anticipating the best, they had sought God—and he showed up, ready to be found. God gave them peace within and without—a most peaceable kingdom!

While these two verses refer to the Israelites I find it can also apply to us potential adoptive parents. God has promised to set the lonely in families. And if we seek Him he will reveal His heart to us and give us peace. Like the Israelites I so desire the inner and outer peace that only He can provide and I am so glad to be able to praise Him and let Him have my pain in exchange for His peace.

Potty Training

A conversation with a good friend made me realize that most people I know probably are not aware of the differences between how we in North America potty train versus how its done in China. I tried to explain split pants the best I could, however this article from Love Without Boundaries does it much better than I could ever.

I am re-posting it here for all my 'Western' friends. Our daughter might be trained in this way, I love learning about her culture and thought others may too!

Realistic Expectations: Potty Training

Last week we began a series on having realistic expectations during the adoption trip by covering the topic of cleanliness. Today we would like to continue with the “bathroom” subject, as one of the most common questions asked by parents is whether or not their child-to-be is potty trained.

Well…… define potty trained. And if the definition is “Western style toilet trained,” then the answer is probably not.

For those new to this topic, it is important to know that the majority of children (especially in rural areas) wear “split pants” as older babies and toddlers. Essentially, this just means that the entire crotch area of their pants is left open to the air, and no diaper or underwear is worn. It is becoming less common in the cities, but definitely in the countryside it is the norm to see a child’s little bottom showing as he walks down the street.

If a child is out with his parents and needs to go to the bathroom, the parent is very attentive and helps the child quickly squat down on the ground and go. This happens in an instant. This is perfectly acceptable in China, and that is very important for any new parent to realize. If you are adopting an older child of two or three, it is essential to realize that your child might have been raised this way, and there is nothing wrong with it. When a child feels “the urge,” he or she is allowed to go almost immediately.



This drawing in a Chinese preschool showing a child wearing split pants demonstrates how normal this is in every day Chinese life.



So if you receive your child on adoption day and she is wearing regular pants, just remember that she might not have worn pants like that normally. The orphanage staff might have dressed her that way just for this important event. If your child has accidents when you are out and about, or suddenly squats down to go potty, please remember this is NORMAL. Many kids are used to being able to go immediately when they feel the urge, and they are not used to “having to wait” to find a restroom. Suddenly they find themselves adopted, with complete strangers who don’t speak their language, and they are expected to “hold it” until the appropriate toilet is found. Imagine how confusing this is to a child, and how wrong it would be for a new parent to get mad over an accident instead of helping them make this transition gradually. Be prepared with extra clothing, and be very loving and patient when accidents happen. If a child indicates that he or she needs to go, recognize that might mean, “I need to go NOW.”

It is also very common for a newly adopted child to be afraid of the toilet in the hotel room, and they might need lots of reassurance to switch over to the Western style of doing things. Please remember that Western toilets are rare in China, and your child might not have ever seen one before. They most likely used a tiled “squat toilet” located in the floor.

Many kids will find it very odd to actually be expected to sit when going to the bathroom versus squatting. Over the years I have had many calls from worried moms who have found their new child squatting on the rim of the toilet in their homes, even months after getting back. Remember that to your child, this is how they learned and is what “feels right.” I will be very honest and say that when I go into a public bathroom in China and see the little sign that says there is a Western toilet in the last stall, I say a little “hooray” in my head since that is what I use day to day as an American.   So naturally your newly adopted child feels most comfortable with what they have known day to day in China.

In orphanages that do use potty chairs or ceramic pots for toilet training, many staff will say that a child is “potty trained” when what they mean is that all the children are lined up on potties several times a day. They might sit there for an hour at a time starting at a very young age, and during that time they happen to “go.” Scheduled potty time in Chinese orphanages is common, but that doesn’t always equate to a toddler being able to tell a new parent when he or she needs to use the bathroom, and so don’t get frustrated when there are accidents. I have seen several blogs where new adoptive parents will say, “We were lied to – she is NOT potty trained.” The reality is that what they should have written is that their child is not American toilet trained, and that they understand it might take time for their child to learn to “hold it” and use that big white scary thing that looks enormous in a child’s eyes. Is it any wonder that some children sneak off to do their business? One adoptive mom discovered after getting home that her new son was using a bucket in the garage instead of having to face the terror of the Western toilet.

Please see it from their eyes. Everything in their lives has changed. Everything they have known is gone in an instant. And then there are suddenly new rules about even the most basic of human needs, like going to the bathroom. As the parent, it is important to have patience and to understand that it is unrealistic to expect your new child to immediately switch to the Western way of doing things.

We look forward to hearing from our readers about their experiences with potty training their adopted children from China!

~Amy Eldridge, Executive Director and Maureen Brogan, Associate Medical Director and Adoption Advocacy Coordinator

Bedroom decor!

They came they came!!!

The pink polka dot wall decals have arrived to my front doorstep!

Can't wait to put them up!

Good news !

The good news is we seem to be on track for receiving a referral late summer!

We haven't heard anything from the ministry yet (sitting at week 5...) but I was discussing where we are at as far as timeline expectations with our agency and they said we have a good chance at being paper ready sometime in June and logged in sometime in July and she expects we may be getting a referral in Aug or Sept! I am over the moon excited for that day and even though it seems far summer goes by fast and I am sure the day will be upon us sooner than later.

Unfortunately traveling after referral can take awhile (4-6 months) but that will give us lots of time to prepare for her big arrival!

I've already started planning her bedroom and her bedding came today! Today was a double blessing day! Thank you Jesus!

Anyone wanna see the bedding??!!

next steps

This morning we signed the final copy of our home study and it is being couriered to the provicial ministry.

While we wait the 4-16 weeks it can take to be approved we will finish our dossier. We still have to write a letter to China, we have to do up a guardianship document, we have to put together a few pages of photos of us and what we do for fun. The average right now according to our agency is about 8 weeks. So that will put us at May 31st for finalizing our dossier. And hopefully getting our documents logged in in China! Perhaps a summer referral will happen after all.

draft

Well it took more than a month.

A month long wait that felt like eternity.

Our draft home study has been written up and will begin the approval process. There are a few minor details we will get corrected and then hopefully soon it will be sent to our provincial ministry. That proces alone can take up to three months although I hope its a lot quicker than that.

After the provincial approval is complete it will be the final part of a dossier we have been building of all our documents that will be notorized and sent to China. Once they receive and translate it we will be eligible to receive a referral of a child who we will soon become parents too.

Please pray this all goes quickly and smoothly.

Another dream about her!

I didn't think I would be blessed enough to have another dream about her. Last night I did. So so amazing. So amazing that waking up and going on about my day was difficult. In this dream I was holding her and I got to see her beautiful face. She had the same short black hair, was the same size (maybe 2 years old?) and she was in my arms. She was mine I didn't want to let her go. She was just looking at me. And I at her. She was not smiling but I could tell she was starting to trust me. We were in China in McDonalds which was one of the only places I successfully ate a meal last time I was in China go figure. And she fell asleep in my arms. I can't wait to see those eyes in person. They will forever be etched in my mind. So beautiful. I can't wait until I can see her photo. I hope the next few months go quickly so that I can share her sweet face with you all.

home study meetings complete!

Had our final home study interview which was more like a home safety checklist this time!

Kinda feels strange to baby proof our house with no baby here. But I completely understand the need for safety since we will be bringing home a walking (most likely) child home and we won't have time to do all the little details after she comes home.

Only two items we need to do before she will sign off is to get a locked cabinet for all medication/vitamins and also to secure the tvs to the wall or tv unit so they cannot fall forward. Things like baby gates etc will be required when we sign off on her referral hopefully later this calendar year.

So here is our timeline so far:

June 13 2012 - info session at the adoption agency
October 19 2012 - get on wait list for the Waiting Children Program for China
November 13 2012 - initial consultation with our adoption practitioner
November 17-18 & 24-25 2012 - PRIDE training course
November 19/20 - adoption medicals
November 30 2012 - police checks and RCMP fingerprinting
December 13 2012 - meeting at adoption agency to get more detailed information
December 17 - make the decision to go forward with the Waiting Childrens Program
January 24 2013 - first home study interview
January 31 2013 - second home study interview
February 13 2013 - third home study interview & home safety checklist

Now we wait to receive the draft copy of the home study write up. I know our AP (adoption practitioner) will also send to our agency to have it approved before we sign the final copy.

dreams

I don't even know where to start. But last night God gave me an incredible gift. Which is hardly fair since it was hubbys birthday yesterday but I am so glad to be able to share that I met vivi last night in a dream. I have never experienced such a real dream before and I know with 100% certainty that the little girl I met last night was in fact my daughter to be! Such peace I feel this morning leading up to our meeting this afternoon with our adoption practitioner. Knowing that she is safe and God is holding her.

It wasn't a long dream but so impactful.

I remember being in a small bright room. And little girl with short black came up and took my hand. She was walking but was short. Her hands were so soft. Oh so soft. I didn't get to see her face. Her hair was kind of funny. She led me to a red ride on toy and she showed me how she loves to ride. She was perfect. Pure perfection. This stood out for me since we are adopting a girl with potential minor correctable special needs. We won't know what needs those are for quite a while. But seeing her and knowing she is healthy gave me peace. She may need some medical attention when we get home, however she is exactly who God made her to be. The perfect daughter for hubby and me and I can't wait to meet her. Now more than ever. Bring on the home study interview tonight!

delays, and now the big meeting

As I mentioned we started our home study in November which I thought was great, I had high high hopes we would get it done quickly. But there are the inevitable delays the ones you wish you could avoid but then BAM. One of the delays came because of a communication error. I thought I had to wait for our adoption practitioner, while our adoption practioner was waiting for infomation from us. There went one month. And then it was Christmas which caused a good 3 week delay.... And now tomorrow will be our second home study meeting. Finally. This is the first of several interviews at our home. Can't wait to get this party started! I am a little nervous but I know it will go fine. We've been praying hard for this day and after all of the delays I am so glad in a few weeks this will be over.